Built in I-Pod

So today in Peers, we were talking about special talents that each one of us have. After people saying, badminton, Rubik's cubes, clovered tongues, a new talent I've never heard before emerged. A quasi-bohemian, Italy cultured Israeli spoke about his musical ambitions and his wide exposure to different genres. He then spoke about how ever since last year, he began to hear music whenever someone started to speak. Usually the music identified with the personality of the speaker. So one arrogantly loud kid piped up and asked, "So what am I?!" He answered, "You? Well, I don't know. You're this weird.. weird... this weird alternative pop," meaning kind of annoying. Haha. But it's really interesting how different parts of your life or sensory system can get mixed. With synesthesia, you see colors when you hear things. In this case it's music, that isn't even physically playing, being intergrated into an oral conversation. It's like life has its own background music!

Why do we live our lives in a circle?
We have the same arguments, same jokes, same routine patterns.
Why do we never venture to live our lives in a progressive linear path, a path that goes somewhere?

It's probably because we don't know where a line will lead. To what ends it'll extend to.
And of course, we're afraid of the unknown.
But in a circle, though it never ends, at least we know what we're repeating.

Be Near Me

I was just listening to this song Be Near Me by Bethany Dillon on Pandora, and I looked up the lyrics. The lyrics resounded with me so much at my current state of christian life:

I follow all the rules
Well, at least I'm trying
Hoping when my days are through
You'll be pleased

I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart was so bad
Too scared to look in your face
Oh, if only I had

[Bridge:]
And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline

[Chorus:]
I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given up
Be near me

I'm just like everyone else
We are all hiding
Acting like I have a wealth
Of knowledge and peace

But all I've ever wanted
And what men have given their lives for
Is a God who understands my weaknesses
A God that I can love

Today our family was scheduled to have some bonding time in the city. I woke up to my mom yelling at my brother which in turn, HAD to involve me. I refused to leave the house and my mom got angry. blah blah blah dragged to the Met museum, with art i've seen more than a million times. blah blah blah. My feet hurt, my head hurts, hungry...

But on a better note, I bought a prom dress & a carnegie hall dress! The pink will go nicely with Min's orange.

I want to be nicer to my parents before they leave, but it's hard. You know? But it's not like i don't try... or do I?

Life and Death

Tupac said, Why are we dying to live when we live to die?

Life and death are such weird things to think about. Right now, I feel pretty fit. I have two hands, two working legs, and a normal face. But in a second, I could be dead. My body could just be a body. I was reading the 9/11 Commission comic book this morning and it listed numbers upon numbers of people who died, of people injured. Our body is so feeble. In an instant, something lifeless like a metal pole can crack open our heads, lacerate our legs, gouge out our eyes, or cut off our tongue. There are so many ways our human body can become inhuman, mutilated. And at these moments, we'd rather have death than live life through death.

Be thankful that we're not hurt. Be thankful even for that smallest imperfection of your mole on your left arm. Be thankful even for your sweaty palms. Be thankful that at least you're functioning normally. That you're living through life, and not through death.

College

Georgetown is a Jesuit university and sometimes nubs are turned off by that fact. Ironically enough, Georgetown is actually a place where so many different faiths gather--or lack of faith, that is. Honestly, I'm kind of scared that I'll move away from God. Only the very unique individuals are exempt from conformity, but as long as I'm living on this earth, interacting with everyone peacefully, I'll always be a victim to conformity.

I'm even more scared of this conformity because I've grown so weak in my faith. But I know it's for the better because I'm breaking down the foundations that have been wrongly built, and stacking up my rock of salvation which will last me a life time. It may take a while, and that's why I need a happy Christian community at Georgetown. Could you guys pray for me?

I made this blog so that I could spur myself to do more devotionals because my lack of them have caused me to misled too often. I haven't been praying to God sincerely, and now I'm here going to a school where I may lose touch with God, going to a new place where I have no vision, going to what I must now call a home because the one in New Jersey will no longer exist. I need to be led again by the voice of God. How else will this year's Praise night go on? How will my life unfold in God's will if I choose not to listen?